The Goatman
by jason5-evah
Summary: Percy and his friends realize that just because there are monsters in the woods of Camp Half Blood doesn't mean that there isn't something darker residing. A PJO/ HOO spoiler story based on the popular Buzzfeed Unsolved series.


The Goatman

A PJO/HOO story

"Deep within the woods of Camp Half Blood lives a monster like no other called The Goatman. The Goatman is said to be described as a satyr like creature with glowing red eyes, sharp claws, and fur completely black as coal. This creature is also said to feed off of the blood of campers who wander into the woods at night. Others have claimed that they've felt something poke them with needles or heard screaming so loud that their ears rang.

There are many theories on where the Goatman originated. One theory is that the Goatman is a satyr who sold his soul to Kronos in rejection of the gods and in return Kronos would make him immortal, but what the Goatman didn't know was that he'd be doomed to haunt Camp Half Blood for eternity. Another theory is that a satyr was brutally murdered by campers who thought he was a monster. Pan took pity on him and instead of letting him reincarnate into some sort of plant, he became a ghost to warn campers to never harm a satyr again.

Whatever the case may be, we all know that strange things go on in Camp Half Blood's forest. Whether the cause is by a monster in the woods, a camper's imagination, or the Goatman, the mystery will remain. . . unknown."

"Bull," Calypso said to Leo who was telling this horrendous story as everyone sat by the bonfire. "Satyr's don't turn into creepy demon ghosts!"

"There's something in the woods. And I'm positive it's a demonic satyr," Leo argued.

"Oh, I don't doubt there's something out there. I mean, Leo told me you guys had a GIANT BRONZE DRAGON wandering around and couldn't find it. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a mechanical satyr going nuts. I just don't think it's a ghost."

"Then let's send some people into the woods and track down the Goatman," Leo suggested. "We'll find out what's really out there. After all, we've survived a lot of things already. Why not add one more mystery to our track record?"

"I don't think we should tempt fate." Annabeth frowned. "Plus, anyone could get lost in the woods at this time of night. If the harpies don't kill them, the monsters surely will."

"Let's make it interesting then. Whoever goes out there, I will make, buy, or do anything they want. Against camp rules or not."

"Like, what are we talking here?" Percy asked.

"Piper wants a soda machine in her cabin. I can finally make that happen."

"Tempting, but no, Leo," Piper said. "I don't want to go in there and die just so I can have unlimited soda."

"Or Annabeth could finally get her TARDIS style library. Tiny shelf on the outside. Unlimited storage on the inside!"

"That's already on your list," Annabeth said.

"Do you want it to be first on my list or the thirty-fifth?"

"I already know it's high on your list because you plan to use that technology to build your own police box."

"LIES," Leo exclaimed. He looked to Calypso. His favorite person. "Calypso? I'll let you kiss me if you go."

"No," Calypso said, deadpan.

"Your loss."

"No one's going to go into the woods," Annabeth said.

"Actually," Jason said surprising everyone considering he's perfect and never does anything wrong. "I've been wanting a pet cat for a while. I'll go find this Goatman if you can sneak one in for me."

"Jason! NO!" Piper said. "It's not worth it. You could die."

"I hardly doubt there's anything there. Plus, I've faced ghosts before. Well, Lares. And that thing with my mother. You know. The normal demigod stuff. This should be easy."

"WE HAVE ONE PERSON," Leo cheered. "WHO ELSE?!"

"What happened to goody-two-shoes Jason?" Annabeth asked.

"He can't come to the phone right now. . . Why? Because he's dead," Jason said.

Everyone groaned.

"Well, if Jason is going, then I'll go," Percy offered. Annabeth rolled her eyes.

"What do you want as your reward for doing my bidding?!" Leo asked.

"Depends on what's out there. I'll get back to you."

"You two have until midnight to meet and report back to us on whatever you find," Leo said. "If you find anything at all. While you do that, we'll be here eating smores."

"Don't get into trouble," Annabeth said.

"And if you do, get out of there as fast as you can," Piper added.

"This'll be a piece of blue cake," Percy promised though no one was entirely sure what the outcome would be to this new mystery.

"Okay, I'm lost," Percy admitted after a half hour into walking through the trees.

"You've been here how many years and you're _lost_?"

"The trees look the same!"

"I should've stayed at the beach eating smores with Piper."

"You volunteered first."

"Because I really want a cat, and I don't want to smuggle one in. I have a reputation."

"Right," Percy said changing the subject. "So Leo told us that there's a bridge or something that the Goatman is usually seen by. If we find a bridge by the river, then maybe we can find a ghost."

"If it's a ghost."

"You don't think there's some truth to Leo's story?"

"Personally, I think this is just an elaborate prank made by Leo. We'll probably find a mechanical Goatman that wants to kill us. And because he knows that there's a high chance we might die by his out of control robot, he promised us something we could get out of it. At least, that's just my theory."

"Sounds about right," Percy said. "It is something Leo would do. Why else would he want us to come out here?"

"Maybe he's too curious and was too scared to go out here."

"You know, I kind of buy the mechanical goat thing more."

"Same."

After finally finding the stream, Percy and Jason made their way to find some sort of bridge. They didn't know what exactly they would find, but the more they walked on, the more curious they got.

Jason stopped in his tracks. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"I swear I heard, like, a whisper or something."

"Is it the ghost?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"It was probably the wind."

"Or it was the Goatman."

Percy sighed. "It's not the Goatman." He took a step forward and two red dots lit up far in front of them. He fell back and the eyes were gone. "That doesn't prove anything! It was a deer. Most likely. Or a monster. Definitely not the Goatman."

"With red eyes?"

"It's gotta be Leo messing with us."

"Right. . . just Leo."

They walked along hearing the occasional whispers and seeing eyes glow into the distance. No monster came and attacked them which was a miracle in itself. Normally something would have come after them by now. They were still convinced this was all an elaborate joke made by Leo. But whatever they thought didn't really matter when they saw something in the distance. Luck seemed to be on their side because as they grew closer, they found a bridge.

They both stepped on the short wooden bridge. The planks seemed to be a little loose, but they didn't see anything suspicious. Nothing screamed that Leo was messing with them.

"Hey, Goatman. It's your boy Percy!"

"Don't talk to the Goatman!" Jason chided.

"It's a bridge. It's not like he owns it. You hear that, Goatman! It's my bridge now!" Percy pulled out his pen, and it turned into a sword. He stabbed the point to the floor of the bridge. "You can't have it! It's MINE."

"You're an idiot. The ghost is going to come and just destroy us. I don't want to get possessed again. And you don't either!"

"We weren't possessed."

"We tried to kill each other. Leo attacked Camp Jupiter. Piper had to get them out of us!"

"Well, now we know Piper can perform exorcisms just in case."

"THIS IS SERIOUS."

"We're fine! There's no one out here. Leo must have gotten lazy or something because there's no ghosts. No monsters. And no freaky demons."

Percy was interrupted by a scream so high pitched it was as if the Black Canary came to ruin their day.

When Jason could get his bearings together and break from his frozen position, he yelled. "What the heck was that?!"

"WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU. WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?"

Jason rolled his eyes. He looked around and saw two bright red dots that he'd seen throughout the forest. Percy seemed to notice them too though he was too confused to run away or charge at it.

Jason was definitely terrified and was ready to run the other way, but he noticed that the eyes weren't getting closer. And they didn't blink. Even with his new headache, Jason knew that combination wasn't right. If something were alive, it would defend itself against trespassers. He started walking toward it.

"DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH!?" Percy yelled at him. Now suddenly Percy seemed to believe they were in danger by the Goatman he harassed.

As Jason walked closer he saw two red lightbulbs attached to a black wooden cutout of a satyr. Whoever made this clearly had a lot of time on their hands. Most likely Leo. He could see the two red lightbulbs used as eyes and black wires coming from the back of the cutout. In addition to that, he saw speakers that blended with the bridge.

Percy caught up to him and frowned. "So. . . where's the Goatman?"

A voice called out, "IN YOUR NIGHTMARES. STEP AWAY FROM THE EQUIPMENT AND FEAR ME. I AM THE GOATMAN. THAT IS MY BRIDGE. DON'T BE SUCH ASSHOLES."

"That's not very nice," Percy muttered.

Something like gears started moving. Jason was expecting a fight, but instead he felt a needle hit his arm but just barely. He picked up the fallen needle off the ground. "Really? This is your defense?"

"IT HURTS LIKE HELL."

"You might want to review your mechanics because this didn't work."

"Jason, we don't really want to help this psycho, right?" Percy said.

"Whoever you are, we don't want to fight. We just want to know what's going on or if you were hired by my friend Leo."

"I DON'T KNOW ANY LEO. SOUNDS LIKE A REAL TOOL."

"Can we at least get some answers?"

"PUT AWAY YOUR SWORDS."

"They're away now."

"TAKE 100 STEPS BACK."

"Look, Mr. Wizard of OZ," Percy said. "How about you come out from behind the curtain so we can get our prizes and leave."

The voice muttered, "ShitERHFSIEs. Stupid kids. Fine. Whatever."

An old satyr holding a bottle of beer walked out from behind a tree. He scrambled to put on his bunny slippers even though they didn't fit his hooves. It looked like he had been relaxing in his plaid robe. Or maybe he was just getting drunk. The old goat didn't sound like he was all there.

"What do you kids want?" he asked taking a swing from his beer.

"There's been talk of a satyr roaming the camp," Percy said. "We came looking for the Goatman."

He laughed. "You campers are a bunch of idiots. Years ago I started living here and to keep people away I set up a few traps. Got some equipment. Scared the hell out of anyone stupid enough to look for trouble."

"You live here?" Jason asked.

"Tax free. Those bastards can't find me now."

"So you're telling me that no one knows you're here. Not even Chiron?"

"Nah, I'm living here because I'm smart and needed a safe place to drink some booze," he said. "So now that you know all that. Old Ferdinand here is going to pull out some-"

"HOLD ON," Percy said motioning a time out. "Did you just say _Ferdinand_?"

"Yeah, so? Common name."

"My friend Grover had an uncle name Ferdinand. Didn't know it was _that_ common."

He laughed nervously. "Grover. Now that's a weird name. Very sesame street. . ."

"Cut the crap, you old goat. Start talking," Percy said.

"FINE. Come on inside, and I'll tell you the story. I doubt you'll leave if I don't tell you anyway. Also my drink ran out and I need a refill."

Turns out inside meant underground where Uncle Ferdinand had made his home. It was pretty roomy for the most part or for all those cabinets filled with vodka. He definitely wasn't subtle.

"I thought Medusa killed you while you went looking for Pan," Percy said.

"Yeah, well, that's exactly what happened. Only. . . that's not what happened at all."

"What?"

"I faked my own death."

Percy coughed. "You did what now?"

"I was in a bit of a rough patch," he said though Jason wondered how he wasn't in a rough patch now. "I said I was going to look for Pan because if I didn't, my mother would never let me hear the end of it. 'OH FERDINAND! GET OFF YOUR ASS! GO SEARCH FOR PAN!' Yeah, I wasn't going to be doomed to that for the rest of my life. So I simply started looking for him. I didn't try too hard thinking I could get away with traveling the world, and suddenly my nephew asked me to come visit Camp Half Blood where I happened to meet Dionysus. Started talking with him and turned out he was a great guy."

"Dionysus?" Percy asked. "Don't you, like, love him anyway. . . Because you're a satyr."

"Well, yeah, but like, I never met the guy, you know. Look, I'm aware and I didn't know if he'd be a complete jackass so I always played it safe and said he was great. But when I met him, I realized how great he was! That guy is my inspiration. Anyway, we started talking about theatre and one thing led to another, and he told me how he was banned from wine. And I was like 'if you can't have wine then why not vodka!' We laughed and then he realized the loophole. We cut a deal. He makes it look like Medusa turned me into stone, because no one can question stone or have to deal with a dead body, and I stay here in Camp Half Blood and give him all the alcohol he wants any time he wants. It was a win-win. I get to live my life the way that I wanted, and he gets booze."

"That actually makes sense," Jason said. "Like. . . too much sense."

"Here's the thing, no one can know I'm here. Every once in a while some campers will find me. I give them a six pack and they spread the word of the evil Goatman that haunts these woods. I am a legend here, and I plan to keep it that way."

"What about Grover?" Percy asked. "Your family? Aren't you lonely?"

"Nah, Dionysus visits all the time. Also, I have a few friends that know the way."

"What about Grover? He was devastated when you died. Or, I guess, didn't die."

"If he can keep a secret, then give him this," he pulled out a piece of a paper: a map. "If he wants the truth, tell him to meet me."

"This is so weird," Percy muttered.

"So do you guys want a case or. . ."

"We're good," Jason said quickly. "We should probably get going anyway."

"Don't tell anyone about me. If Chiron finds out I'm here, he'll probably kick me out," Ferdinand said.

"We won't say anything," Jason promised.

"And Percy," Uncle Ferdinand said. "Remember. . . _it's my bridge_."

"Right. I know that now."

"That's right. 'Cause I'm the Goatman."

And so Percy and Jason left Uncle Ferdinand's house thinking that even though a lot was answered, it was a lot that probably didn't need to be answered.

"How am I going to tell Grover that his uncle is alive and a drunk?" Percy asked on their way back to their friends.

"I don't know. Is it better for Grover to remember him in his own way or crush his reality?"

Percy groaned. "This is too deep, and I still have a headache from those speakers."

"Same."

After walking back in silence, they made it back to their friends and Leo immediately bombarded them with questions. "SO!? IS HE REAL!? IS HE SCARY?! WAS HE NICE?!"

"Uh," Percy said looking at Jason. "Definitely real."

"Super real."

"Definitely not a drunk satyr."

"And we're not sworn to secrecy or anything."

Annabeth asked, "So you can't tell us the truth?"

"The Goatman is totally real," Jason said. "We saw him and barely made it out alive."

"Pretty much we just ran into Grover's drunk Uncle who faked his own death," Percy said.

"PERCY. You can't tell anyone!"

"It was going to come out eventually."

Jason rolled his eyes. "I just want my cat."

"You will get your cat!" Leo promised. "Just as soon as I find one."

"And I want a few things added to my cabin," Percy said. "I'll send you a list."

"FSOIFHREOFJORSGT" Leo said forcing a smile. "SURE."

Everyone was content (including the Goatman), and they all lived HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

THE END.


End file.
